This week brings yet another tangent on the importance of stopping gossip. This is a long set of verses, but I have a lot to say about them, so bear with me. They apply to all of us and how we treat one another. As always, I'm not perfect and I definitely need to improve on these things. I'm just sharing what struck a chord in me as I read this section. I'll add my thoughts throughout the verses.
Matthew 15:7-20
7 Ye hypocrites, well did Esaias prophesy of you, saying,
8 This people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoureth me with their lips; but their heart is far from me.
How often do we claim to have good intentions but really gossip, fault find, or disrespect others?
These verses also apply to ministering. Are our hearts in it as we genuinely reach out to others, or do we only participate so we can have something to report or check off our lists? I've been thinking a lot about the importance of being genuine when we minister. It's pointless if we don't do it because we care. Those we minister to will sense when we're only there out of obligation or to look good on paper/in an interview. We might do some good, but it's better to really be there and be trustworthy.
Being trustworthy includes keeping confidences and asking permission before sharing sensitive information. It's better to maintain a relationship than to blab about something just to prove you're doing your job. Ah, man, I'm guilty of this. It's nice to have something to say. But our attitudes about what ministering is, and the pressure surrounding it, need to change. If we are taking care of our brothers and sisters, that's what matters. I'm sure there are times when sharing is necessary, such as when help from the ward is required, but I'm afraid it crosses the line to gossip too often.
9 But in vain they do worship me, teaching for doctrines the commandments of men.
10 And he called the multitude, and said unto them, Hear, and understand:
11 Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man; but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man.
Here we go. Those little tidbits of gossip that feel innocent? We need to stop. I need to stop. Of course, we need balance. I do think there's good in supporting each other through hard situations and challenging relationships. We shouldn't keep negative feelings cooped up inside us and we shouldn't feel alone. But maybe we cross the line when we choose to only talk about a situation instead of directly resolving it. I'm not sure when that line is crossed. It's something I want to ponder and I'd love to hear your thoughts on.
12 Then came his disciples, and said unto him, Knowest thou that the Pharisees were offended, after they heard this saying?
13 But he answered and said, Every plant, which my heavenly Father hath not planted, shall be rooted up.
This is a comforting concept for anyone who has suffered from damaging gossip, false witness, and so on. When we spread gossip, we plant a seed. It can grow into a monster as it's passed along and the truth is skewed. Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ know the truth, and in the end, truth and justice will prevail. Maybe it won't always happen in this life, but there will be a time when intentions are known and understood. Our Advocate will root up every false thing that has been planted. We shouldn't knowingly plant things that aren't Christlike. We should sow good seeds everywhere we can.
14 Let them alone: they be blind leaders of the blind. And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.
When we spread gossip, we are usually blind to the full context of the situation. We then lead others who know even less to continue feeding the monster. We're all blind in that situation and it helps no one. Maybe the first step is to recognize our urge to gossip, stop, and instead turn to learning more about the situation and how we can help.
15 Then answered Peter and said unto him, Declare unto us this parable.
16 And Jesus said, Are ye also yet without understanding?
17 Do not ye yet understand, that whatsoever entereth in at the mouth goeth into the belly, and is cast out into the draught?
18 But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man.
What we say testifies of who we are. As we work to become more like Jesus Christ, our desires (what's in our hearts) will automatically orient more toward love than gossip.
19 For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies:
20 These are the things which defile a man: but to eat with unwashen hands defileth not a man.
The Savior is so clear. Our priority should be loving people. Not shaming them for not obeying every law. Not bearing false witness. Not looking closely at their hands to see every speck of dirt. Loving them.
Stop looking for dirt. And if you have a problem with someone, talk to them about it (kindly). I saw a meme the other day that was something like, "Be the woman who fixes another woman's crown without telling the world it was crooked." That applies to men and women alike. We need to start minding our own business more and encouraging others to choose to love. That's what I've learned this week.
Here is a quote from President Nelson:
The Savior’s Atonement made it possible for us to overcome all evil—including contention. Make no mistake about it: contention is evil! Jesus Christ declared that those who have “the spirit of contention” are not of Him but are “of the devil, who is the father of contention, and [the devil] stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another.” Those who foster contention are taking a page out of Satan’s playbook, whether they realize it or not. “No man can serve two masters.” We cannot support Satan with our verbal assaults and then think that we can still serve God.
My dear brothers and sisters, how we treat each other really matters! How we speak to and about others at home, at church, at work, and online really matters. Today, I am asking us to interact with others in a higher, holier way. Please listen carefully. “If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy” that we can say about another person—whether to his face or behind her back—that should be our standard of communication.
I know it's hard. I know it doesn't come naturally to a lot of us. But this is what our prophet chose to focus on during General Conference and we need to take note. We need to be peacemakers. We need to lift, encourage, and love each other. There's a huge difference between lifting up our brothers and sisters and talking about them. We can be better. My goal this week is to focus on seeing the good in people and having both my lips and heart be close to God. I have a long way to go but hope that you all will be patient with me as well as each other. As always, if you think I cross a line into gossiping, tell me to stop. It's not worth it.
Bonnie Gwyn
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