I can honestly say that I've experienced romances that were pure magic. I've felt the fireworks, butterflies, and magnetism that we all imagine when we watch Hallmark movies. I've lived the fairy tale. Honestly, having the experience that I do now, I would trade all of that for a solid, true, genuine relationship. I would give up the shallow dream of having a man sweep me off my feet in a heartbeat if it meant I could be with someone who would love me as I deserve to be loved. Why? Because in the end, the magic didn't have substance. The magic, in a lot of ways, wasn't even real.
At the breaking point of a relationship, I remember coming to the conclusion that no matter how much we loved each other (and that was a lot of love), what we had would never be enough for me. Having affection for that man wasn't enough to overcome all of the obstacles that stood between us. His love for me wasn't enough to make me stay. I truly believe that love itself has no substance without action, commitment, respect, communication, and so many other important elements. It's never been possible for me to simply love a relationship from incompatibility to success. Perhaps, without vital elements, what we consider to be "love" isn't love at all.
I've caught myself (on numerous occasions) making exceptions about core values and common goals for the sake of love, because I thought I could work with what I had. It can be a slow and gradual slope of forgetting what's really important for the sake of feeling loved or adequate. I've honestly done that - given up on the bar I hold men to in order to feel that I, myself, am enough, when it's really them I should be questioning. Feeling loved and being in a relationship isn't worth giving up everything that's important to you. Love itself will never be enough without other elements. It just won't. That can be hard to swallow, especially with the unrealistic messages that media presents, but it's still true. I know now that I need to make a bigger deal out of finding someone I connect with on many different levels - not just romantic or physical. In the end, those things are important, but they aren't what's most important.
There's a reason why the girl often ditches the bad boy for her kind-hearted friend. There's a reason why those couples who have magic, and only magic, seem to fall apart in the end. There's a reason why I've finally decided that I'm done with magic and am seeking miracles instead.
I'm opening myself up to the idea that my true love might not be full of sparkles and rainbows and excitement and glee. He might just be real, true, firm, faithful, responsible, trustworthy ... and man, does that sound great. I don't need to be a princess in a fairy tale. I simply want to find a safe place, a stable rock to attach myself to. When I think about what will be best for me and my future children, I don't picture a mysterious, romantic man. I picture a steady, righteous, priesthood man. I don't need someone who's going to bring me shivers of excitement and the accompanying uncertainty. I want a man who will weather the storms of life by my side.
Guys, the truth is, God doesn't make magic happen - He makes miracles happen. He makes stuff of substance. He builds relationships and marriages that will last throughout not only this life, but the eternities as well. Shallow relationships might bring fun and happiness, but there is such a big difference between happiness and joy. Fun is great, but peace is better.
I'd like to talk about real love for a minute. I have a natural affection for basically everybody, which has caused many misinterpretations over the years. If you've ever wondered, "Does Bonnie love me?" the answer is absolutely yes. Really. But there's a difference between loving and being in love. I know someone who is gifted at making everyone in a room feel important. When I was first getting to know him, I thought, Man, he talks to me a lot, I must be special to him. Eventually, I realized that I wasn't special - not if you define special as being more important or interesting than anyone else. I realized that everyone is special to this person, and honestly, that is way more awesome than being a favorite. I admire that friend a lot. Actually, come to think of it, he isn't the only person I know with that gift. That is what real love is. That is what substance is. Taking care of each other and helping everyone feel loved is so much more important than magic. I just wanted to throw that out there.
Life is a journey, and I'm definitely learning a lot from it. I hope you guys got something out of my ramblings! I do love you all, very much. Keep being great.
Bonnie Gwyn
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