Time isn't the enemy.

I've always had a strange relationship with time. Growing up, I kept myself so busy and distracted that I wasn't all that acquainted with the concept. I knew that I hated time because I wanted to be older. I knew that it felt difficult to wait for exciting things. I knew that it made dreaded things inevitable. I don't think I considered time to be anything except inconvenient and painful - in other words, my enemy. I gave time the same cold stare that I once gave this dinosaur:

There are so many instances in my journal entries of the words, time doesn't stop. I often felt swept away by it. I felt out of control. I felt weak against the powers of time. I confess, I still feel all of those things now and then.

Here's a collage I made in 2015 of my daily photo challenge, which is a fun way to show the passing of time.

I think having empty voids of time made me especially uncomfortable. I was always writing or watching a movie or doing something with friends. My parents often told me that I needed to learn how to relax. I didn't like the idea or feeling of doing nothing.

When I started working at Good Earth, I had to make peace with all of that. Mornings at my store can be slow, and there are often periods (between ten to even thirty minutes) when I don't see a customer, and I have no choice but to stand and wait. I can't have my phone (which is a great thing) and therefore have no access to my usual distractions. My coworkers are busy doing other things, so I can't have lengthy conversations with them. In reality, my companions are myself and time.

As I've worked at Good Earth, I've learned to become friends with time. Now, instead of standing there watching every minute pass on the clock, I embrace the fact that it's okay to just be. I've come to know what it's like to feel time pass. It's really an amazing thing, to simply exist, and to not worry about being busy every second. I like knowing that for those few hours, I'm safe. I'm more aware of who I am and who I want to be. I allow myself to ponder life and my experiences because I have the time to do it. I'm more aware of the world itself, and how it feels to be alive. I love it.

When I walked away from my relationship a few weeks ago, I was afraid I'd never escape the thoughts of him. Every little thing reminded me of something he said, or something we did together. The memories haunted me a little, just as they did after my previous breakup. I felt similar things after losing my grandma. It's part of the grieving process. It all felt overwhelming for a while, but the one thing that kept me going was the knowledge that with time - beautiful, precious time - it would pass.

I knew from experience that with time, those memories would fade, and that I would eventually be able to make my life my own again. It was a small thread of hope to hold onto, but I held tight, and today I can attest that I was right. I knew the power of healing that time holds, and I'm once again very grateful for it. Time does heal wounds. Honestly, right now, time is one of my greatest allies in moving on and being okay.

When I read those old journal entries, I wish I could tell myself, "Dearest Bonnie, time doesn't stop, and thank goodness it doesn't." There are so many instances in life where it would actually be more painful and even destructive for time to stop. We are here to keep learning and improving, and if we were forced to remain still in times of grief, sin, sorrow, depression, etc, it would be horrible. It is a blessing that time presses forward and guides us through our troubles, until we eventually make it to the other side.

I hope you can all look at time with a different perspective, and come to appreciate it for the gift that it is. It's a very big part of our mortal experience, and I know it has a divine purpose. I've learned that the key to patience is having a good relationship with time.

Happy Sabbath, everyone!

Much love,
Bonnie Gwyn