Ink

I is for Ink

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

Today, I returned to the project of typing up old journal entries. It always scares me to have time in my life only documented on paper, because it could get lost or burned or ruined. So making things digital is important. But today, as I started going back, I wanted to just destroy my journals and forget the whole thing.

I've had some crazy trials in my life, but usually I handle the memories just fine. Not today. Today, remembering made me angry. I felt angry towards myself for making so many mistakes, and even more so at the devil for being so relentless, especially when I was younger. I tried to keep working and be unattached to the whole thing, but I couldn't, so I decided to go run off some steam. (I'm incredibly out of shape, by the way!)

As I ran, I tried to push all the anger into the ground, and it worked for the most part. I remembered days when I'd done the same thing, and I realized a simple truth: my past is written in ink. My experiences are a part of me, and they always will be. I can't change that, and truly, I don't want to. I am who I am because of every moment. I can learn from my past, and in many ways, I have. I'm grateful for it. Sometimes it's just hard to swallow.

I've been hurt, and I've hurt other people, and I'm not proud of that. Life is a rocky thing, full of ups and downs. Only our Savior was ever perfect the entire time. We all just need to remember that no matter what, we can be forgiven of our mistakes - as long as we forgive others, too. Sometimes that's really hard, and sometimes it might even feel unjust, but it's when we truly forgive that justice comes into play. Because when we forgive, we can let go, and we no longer have to bear that burden. Forgiveness helps us more than anything. It helps us heal.

I have a huge testimony of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, and how we and others can change. I believe that if we give it all to Him, He will make it right, whatever it is. If we let go of our own anger and bitterness, He can take that and make it light again. He can transform all the dark feelings into joy. It's really an amazing thing. I encourage all of you to pray about your trials, your mistakes, and try to learn from them the best you can. The Savior will meet you halfway, and often more than that, always.

Love,
Bonnie Gwyn <3